Learning to be Happy

I learned something new:  "happiness" can be learned and acquired through effort and discipline.  Now, I know that as Christians we are told that happiness is different than the deep, abiding joy we can know with the certainty of our salvation. So let's just say that being outwardly and inwardly happy (contented, joyful, relaxed, cheerful, lighthearted) is something that should be much easier for Christians than non-Christians because we have God as our strength, our Rock, our salvation, our friend, our helper and our adviser.  Christians should be the happiest people on earth.  The problem is that I know a LOT of Christians who aren't very joyful or even happy.  What's the deal?

Well, a few weeks ago I checked a book out of the library after hearing a friend talk about it and reading some magazine articles by the author:  The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin.  I didn't have high expectations when I started it because I thought it would be another silly self-help book with no real substance.  What I found was a thoughtful, intelligent, well-researched, well-documented, fun-to-read and actually quite helpful book!  Now Gretchen is not a Christian (she identified herself as an agnostic in the book) but so many of the "happiness" principles she talked about are backed up by scripture.  And as a person, I found a "kindred spirit" in Gretchen.  We both love to read and write, are extreme list-makers, tend to be critical in nature, and have a natural bent toward being-- shall we say-- less than happy.

I'm just going to share some nuggets I gleaned from her writing.  I don't really care if you agree, I have merely found that they make sense to me and have actually turned me to a deeper dependence and trust in Jesus as the source of my true happiness.

1.  Acting happy and being happy can be learned skills even if that's not your natural personality bent.

2.  Goals are something you reach.  Resolutions are something you keep (they don't end).  The author constantly keeps a list of current resolutions she's working on that will contribute to her happiness.  Things like "cutting people slack."

3.  What's fun for other people may not be fun for you, and vice versa.

4.  "Happiness comes not from having more, not from having less, but from wanting what you have."  (Sounds like scriptures I've read about being content in all circumstances.)

5.  You'll be happier if you just be yourself.  Acknowledge what makes you happy, not what you wish made you happy.  Many times we don't approve of our own preferences or "likes."  Sometimes I may wish I liked working out or watching sports or decorating cakes or planning large parties, but I don't.  I do like watching old movies, reading lots of books, photography, writing and taking long walks.

6.  When you're pursuing your passion, don't worry about getting results.  That's what keeps a passion enjoyable.  You see, I like photography and I like writing.  This means that blogging is perfect for me.  If I get bogged down in how many people are reading my blog or whether I'm saying stunningly original things, I'll never post anything.  I blog because I enjoy it.  Period.

7.  Realize that many people don't want to be happy or even to seem to be happy.  There's probably nothing you can do about them and their refusal to be happy, but you don't have to let their moods take over yours.

8.  Some people say they don't have a right to be happy because there is so much suffering around.  But being unhappy doesn't relieve any suffering, and if you are cheerful perhaps you're more likely to actually improve the atmosphere around you and be more of a mind to help suffering people.

9.  Some people use their own unhappiness to gain pity or attention or to inspire guilt.  Don't get sucked in.

10.  It's actually more selfless to act happy than unhappy.  It takes discipline, energy, generosity, humility and tremendous effort.

11.  It  takes discipline, energy, generosity, humility and tremendous effort to appear happy and indeed to be happy.  This bears repeating.  As many times as possible.

12.  Be willing to be pleased about things rather than looking for opportunities to critique things.  Train yourself to "give positive reviews" rather than negative critiques.

13.  If something is worth doing, it's worth doing badly  (This sounds bad out of context.  It refers to not letting perfectionism or fear of failure keep you from pursuing a passion).

14.  If you can do it in less than a minute, do it now.  (Procrastination and clutter are the source of much unhappiness for many people).

15.  Do what ought to be done.

16.  Cut people slack.  Realize that you don't know what's going on in that rude salesperson's life.  Cut them some slack and don't get so bent out of shape.  Same goes for annoyances brought on by family members.  Just cut them some slack for a change.

17.  Be a satisficer:  don't examine every single option before making a decision.  Be happy when you find something (a purchase, a vacation destination...you get the idea) that meets your requirements, then look no further.  A "maximizer" drives themselves crazy by checking out every possible option before making a choice, then often continues searching after a choice is made just to make sure they did the right thing!  Maybe good enough is good enough.

So, those are some of the concepts that were helpful to me.  Please just read the book for yourself if you're interested in the topic.  I skimmed some sections that I wasn't interested in, but most of it was fascinating and enlightening.

Be happy today!

Or maybe I should say bee happy.  I like puns.